Max with a "manly" Spiderman t-shirt
Ok, I am going to confess. Max, who is 2 1/2, often does girly things, like wear his sisters’ hair bands, carry their purses around the house, try to put on mommy’s makeup, wear nail polish and put on my high heels. But not once have I ever thought I am influencing his sexual orientation by allowing these things to happen. Max also adores—and I cannot express this enough—trucks, tractors, cars, buses, his riding toys, building things, kicking things, and just being a total menace. All very much boy things, I think.
Recently, while telling a male friend about how Max came to me wearing his hair band all wrong, my friend said to me, “How could you let Max do girly things!? You need to call 1-800-Be-A-Man!” It wasn’t the first time I heard such a sentiment. I even heard this from a few women. I also heard that because sometimes I still sleep with Max and give him lots of hugs, kisses and overall loving attention I am going to turn him into a momma’s boy!
Sigh.
Because Max is growing up in a female dominated environment I think it is normal for him to want to do some female things, such as wear nail polish. And the fact that I shower him with love—did you see his picture? How could I not?
Instead of arguing with these people about what I think, I decided to get the facts from Dr. Shuvo Ghosh at The Montreal Children’s Hospital about what is right and what is wrong concerning this issue. As a developmental pediatrician who works a lot with children who have sexual identity problems (physically being born a male but mentally being a female) he has a good grasp on what is normal and what is not.
“Julia, there is no way that showering your child with love and attention will turn him into a momma’s boy. He either will be or won’t be. And the fact that he does ‘girly’ things is a very natural thing for little boys to explore,” says Dr. Ghosh. “I assume you will love your son regardless of his sexual orientation anyway? I actually have people come to me worried that their young child may be homosexual and they ask if I can change him/her before it becomes an issue. My advice, just keep being a loving parent, who offers structure and guidance and you will help raise the best person your child can be.”
Tonight Max carried his (well, Brooke’s) purse to the bath with his trucks in tow so he could wash them. “Mommy, my purse,” he said, as I watched him place it beside the tub and proceed to crawl in the tub to scrub his trucks.
The whole time I just thought about how much I love this kid and how nothing else matters…
March 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm |
Julia,
My husband was raised by a single mother too! Without any male influence whatsoever.He is one of the kindest, gentlest, most giving people I know, male or female! Hands down!