Supermom is a very difficult role to sustain. I always find I reach a point where I am not feeling very super momish. But I have never reached this low before.
So I am on my way to my ex-sister-in-laws for a visit. I was running late because the summer lull is over and work is insane. I leave my family at work (I manage a team) for the one at home on a daily basis. It is the night my ex takes the kids for dinner so I had until 8 p.m. to socialize and catch up. Rose is very lovely and I truly appreciate my time with her.
Unfortunately, with back to school the traffic was insane on the highway—she lives on the west island of Montreal, which means a huge chunk of traffic from the city is heading out after work or school. I got on the highway and hit gridlock and just as I was resigning myself to some blackberry work, the phone rang. “Julia, it’s Esther from the after school program and I am still here with your kids.” Now, at this time it was heading on to 6:30. I said, “What?!!” She said she called my ex who said it was my night to pick them up. I instantly went ballistic. Not only were my girls still at school, Max was still at daycare and I was trapped in traffic hell. I felt like throwing up and crying and screaming all at once. I have had so many dreams where my kids are yelling for me and I can’t get to them and now dreamland was becoming reality land. I hung up and called the kids’ father and screamed at him in my moment of total and utter insanity. The car next to me unfortunately had his window down and witnessed my pathetic display of primal anger of a mom, but I could care less.
When I finally was able to get off of the highway, and able to reach the daycare, my eyes welled up with tears at my horrible momness. Max sat with a caregiver happily playing and seemingly not even aware of the fact that mommy was really, really late. Am I the worst mom ever??? When did my cape come undone? Through tears I made it to the minivan and took off to the girls’ school. Fortunately my ex was able to get to them before me. Thankfully the afterschool caregiver knows me well and was very sweet about watching the girls.
The fact was I had asked my ex to switch nights weeks before and I had forgotten. My brain was saturated with stuff to remember—field trip forms, lunch fees to pay, hydro, cable to pay, five work projects to complete, three loads of laundry to do, groceries to buy, floor to wash…I was shaken to the core. Traumatized to the max.
Just as I was pulling on to my street the daycare director called me: “Julia, I heard you were crying. It is okay. You are not the first, nor the last to do this. Max was fine and we were okay about staying. I don’t want you to be upset…..”
Other moms and dads lose their capes sometimes too? That did make me feel a bit better. But I felt horrible the rest of the night. I couldn’t even eat dinner. The kids were totally fine and their night was like any other. I have been a bit embarrassed about tying my cape back on. Or maybe I should just do it but this time tie a sturdy knot?…What I do know is from this point on I will make darn sure I pick up my kids the night I am suppose to!
